Regression
by Nilmiel
Summary: The consequences of oversleeping are grave, Roy Mustang discovers, as he enters the office late one day to discover something drastic has happened to all of his subordinates.
1. What the?

Ed and Al stood out side of the military building at about 3:00 in the morning. It was raining and Ed was sitting against the gate asleep. Al stood guard of his Nii-san. It was early and no one was in side to let the two boys in. Well, no one that is except Matrin Maoro. Matrin Maoro was an elderly alchemist who specialized in alchemy relating to age regression and progression. He knew lots about his subject, and he just so happened to be working on his latest project. He had been forbidden to perform the experiment on human beings by the military, and they had cut his funding. Furious, he decided he would perform his experiment on the members of the military to exact his revenge as well as complete his work. He was drawing a transmutation all over the military building in a grey chalk that was very hard to notice. He waited in a dark corner ready to trigger his transmutation.

At 5:00 Riza pulled up at the building to see the young alchemists out side the gate. "Were you two waiting in the rain this whole time?" She asked, causing Ed to waken and look at her. He smiled at his _kind _superior officer.

"Hai." He said.

"Well, I don't have the key to the gate. Isn't Mustang-taisa here yet?" She asked. Ed shook his head. "I see. Well you can sit in the car for a while to dry off." She said opening the door to the car for them. Ed took the opportunity with much enthusiasm. Al accepted politely.

At 6:00, Havoc, Fury, Falman, Breda and Armstrong showed up as well, all of whom had been expecting Mustang to have the key and therefore did not have one with them. Finally, Hughes came at 7:00 and let every one in. Mustang still nowhere to be seen. Ed got out, completely dry, having alchemized himself un-wet and doing the same thing for the other militants. As they were lead inside Havoc lit up and Breda and Fury went to their stations while Armstrong struck various random poses. Al went to a room and Ed waited for the Colonel to show up to get the worst over with. Riza sat at her desk and began the paper work. Matrin, seeing the militants arrived, decided he couldn't wait any more. He pushed his hands on the floor causing a bright transmutation to occur.

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Roy Mustang woke up. It was light out side his window and that meant the worst had happened. HE HAD OVERSLEPT! NOOO! Now he would have to stay late doing paper work which he hated! He dressed quickly and ran for the door. He slung him self into his car and drove as fast as he could to the building. As he walked inside, he heard a crash coming from one of the offices, followed by a strange chant.

"AUUUGHHHH! Heta! Heta! Heta! Heta!"

Roy raised and eye brow. He rushed to the nearest office (Armstrong's), which was where the cry had come from. He entered the room to find a small boy, two years old, about two feet tall. His back was turned to him, he had blonde hair, and his clothes where far to big for him. He stood over a statue of Armstrong that the Major had insisted on keeping in his office that was now smashed into oblivion. The boy stood with a long wooden spoon in his hands raised above his head letting out a furious battle cry. What he wore was strangely familiar. A red coat with the symbol for alchemy on it… hmmm…. The boy suddenly turned around and Roy recognized him instantly.

"Hagane-no?" He asked. It was indeed Ed; the golden eyes gave it away instantly. However, this Ed had all his limbs back to normal. Ed pointed with spoon at him and let out a long string of gibberish toddler-talk. "Aka no tumita wata!" With the same battle cry he charged at Roy and beat the hell out of his shins with the spoon.

Roy dropped to his knees out of surprise of being beaten by a two year old. He quickly reached out and grabbed the hood of Ed's jacket to yank him off the ground and yell at him, but he didn't realize that although Ed had shrunk, his clothes had not. As a result, he ended up pulling his clothes stright off, leaving a stunned Ed standing there in a pair of much to large boxers being held up by super tight elastic that had shrunk in the rain. After recovering, Ed pointed again at a stunned Roy with the spoon and let out another string of gibberish. "Mah go peta kaka!" Saying so, he ran out into the hall, spoon held high.

Needless to say, Roy was quite frozen with shock. Normally, when he was late to the office, Riza was the one who threatened him, it wasn't often he was beaten in the shins by a mini-boy resembling one of his subordinates. Actually, he had never undergone that experience. And, in truth, he would rather not have to repeat the experience again. Standing up, still holding Ed's coat and clothes, he made his way out of the office to try to follow him. Having no luck, he decided to head to his own offie to get help from his faithful subordinates. He began to open the door. "Hawkeye-chuui, have you seen-" He was cut off as he tripped and fell flat on his face. Sitting up, he looked over to see what the offending object that had tripped him was. It was another boy, with black hair and ridiculously square glasses who was sitting on the floor and doodling with a pencil on an important looking document.

"Hughes?" Roy asked incredulously. The mini-family man extraordinaire looked up and smiled brightly. "Hi!" He said, standing up and toddling over, dragging his now way to large uniform with him that was threatening to fall off. He shoved the picture in the fallen Roy's face. "Izit petty?" He asked. "It mama." Roy looked at him with a look of complete shock at the mass of scribbles that covered the page. "Um... yes… it's very pretty." He said slowly standing up, leaving the boy standing in his enormous uniform on the floor. He looked around the room, not seeing anyone else. "Hawkeye-chuui!" He called again, sticking his head out the door. No answer. He turned around to enter the office and almost tripped over another mini-person who was standing right behind him. Redish brown eyes stared back at him placidly and Roy groaned. "Oh god, not you too…"

Riza Hawkeye stood in front of him, now only two feet tall. She was also in a uniform that was way to large for her, but thankfully, she, being resourceful had rolled up the sleeves and tied a string around her waist to keep the pants on so she could move around comfortably. "Hawkeye?" She blinked. "Um… Riza?" He asked again. She didn't answer, instead she reached out and grabbed a fold in his pants and proceeded to lead him back behind the desks. He followed, leaving mini-Hughes to sit and doodle. As he rounded the desks, he groaned loudly at the sight that met him. "Oh dear god." He moaned. Havoc, Fury, Falman and Armstrong were all sitting on the ground behind his desk, except for Fury, who it seemed had fallen asleep and was napping. All of them appeared to be in the same condition as Ed, Hughes and Riza. Falman was looking at a pile of paper work that it seemed had fallen from his desk. Havoc was chewing on an unlit cigarette. Breda was brutally stabbing a piece of paper to death with a pen. And Armstrong, it seemed, had abandoned the too large military shirt and was swinging his arms around in an attempt to stand in intimidating poses. His sparkles still danced around him, but what was even more disturbing was that he still had a thick, bushy, blond mustache.

Roy stared for a minute before snatching the cigarette from Havoc. "Gimme that," He said. Havoc's lower lip trembled. Roy realized his fatal mistake. "Oh, no, don't, please don't-" But it was too late. Havoc exploded in to tears from the loss of having something in his mouth. Fury, awoken by the loud spectacle, sat up and began to cry as well. Falman, Armstrong, Breda and Hughes decided they were missing out on something and decided to bawl, too. Riza closed her eyes and covered her ears with her hands, not appreciating the loud noises. Roy looked around the office frantically for something. Remembering his secret stash of chocolates and candy he kept in his desk for extremely boring days, Roy opened the drawer and proceeded to hand a piece to each child. Each took one and ate it happily, except Havoc who turned up his nose, but continued to cry. Roy turned back into his desk and began to dig around until he found exactly what he was looking for. A lollipop. Ripping off the wrapper, she shoved it into Havoc's open maw. Havoc's eye lit up, and he sat down on the ground and sucked happily on his new treat. Sighing, Roy sat down in his chair. "What the hell am I going to do?" He asked himself rubbing his temple as he watched the children before him. Fury had fallen back asleep, Armstrong was ageing trying to pose in various positions, and Riza had snatched the paper Breda had been mutilating and was standing on tip-toe to place it on his desk. Sighing, he reached over and took it from her and placed the ruined paper on the desk. She blinked at him and then walked over to Hughes and attempted take the paper from him as well.

"NO!" Hughes yelled, tugging it back. Riza glared at him with two-year-old intensity, and then looked over at Roy who was watching the spectacle. "He can have it," Roy said. It was one less piece of work for him to worry about. Riza dropped it and decided to sit down and watch him draw.

Roy put his head in his hands and tried to make sense of the situation. He was in his office with all of his subordinates. Ok. That was normal. And they were all two year olds. That, not so much. He was trying do decipher what could have caused this when a furious cry was heard above his head. "Mataki mi hata!" He looked up to see Ed explode from the air circulation vent. "What the hell?" He asked before the two-year-old alchemist landed on his head and proceeded to beat him on the ear with the wooden spoon he was still carrying. Roy reached up and ripped the boy off of his face and glared at him, holding him away from him as if he was a bomb, which, in a way, he was. Ed glared, raised his spoon and smacked him between the eyes. "OW! God, you little rat, I'm gonna-"

"OW!" Ed exclaimed.

Roy blinked. "I didn't do anything yet."

Ed pointed his spoon happily. "Ow!" He said.

"But… I didn't hurt you." Ed glared at him. "Ow!" He said again, thrusting the spoon past his head.

"Um… Mustang-Taisa, what's going on?" Roy glanced back. "Oh, you mean _Al_…" He said, realizing what the two year old was saying. Then he did a double take. "Wait- AL!" he exclaimed, dropping Ed on the floor and standing up and running over to Al. "You're normal! Or at least… as normal as.. you can be… Thank god you didn't regress to a tin can or something!" Al stared at the colonel with as much surprise as he could manage. Just then, Ed ran over and attached himself to Al's leg. "Ow!" He exclaimed happily. "Ma chi miti go waka ga. Et mitu?"

Al looked down. "Nii-san!" He exclaimed. "You're so cute! And you have your limbs back!" He paused and picked him up. "Did you trade your height?" He asked tentatively.

"And whatever maturity he might have had before. And apparently everyone else's." Roy said angrily. Al looked past Colonel Mustang around the office. "Oh my," He said. "Yeah." Roy agreed. "Oh my."

The rest of the mini-central gang was staring at the new arrival with interest. Havoc waddled over and tapped Al's leg with his sucker before sticking it back in his mouth. "Big," He said, pleased with himself.

"Um… Mustang-taisa?" Al said slowly. "Maybe we need some help."

"Like who? Anyone we could trust to keep this quiet is here and miniature." Roy said.

"How about Gracia-san?" Al suggested. "She'll have to know about Hughes-san sooner or later." Roy looked at him. "Why didn't I think of that? Al, come help me get them into my car. We'll go there. We can't have them hanging around here."

"But, nii-san is hungry, I think. Can we get him something to eat?" Roy groaned. "Fine. But be quick."

"I think the others are hungry too." And so, Roy found himself walking down the hall with all of Riza and Maes clinging to his hands while the rest all where catching a ride on Al's shoulders or his legs. He rolled his eyes. What did he get to deserve this? It couldn't get any worse. But, as fate would have it, it could get worse, as was demonstrated when the group entered the kitchen.

Pots and pans were strewn everywhere, silverware was scattered on the floor. Food was smeared on the walls and there were numerous puddles of ice tea. Ed carefully hid is wooden spoon behind his back. "Dasa no mi." He said quickly. Roy's eyes turned to Ed. "What did you do?" He asked slowly, anger building. Ed looked around. "Mita, ee koba ni tata. Washu tomo yu kashu mu titi de casa. So, mi putat ka dita, eh boom. Tada!" He said putting his arms in the air. Roy glared at him. "So, you trashed the kitchen."

"Eh."

Roy's vein on his forehead popped, and he shoved Maes off of his right hand and began to dig through his pockets for his gloves. Ed, sensing danger, began to bawl. Al's brotherly instinct kicked in and he turned away from Mustang shielding his brother. "Don't hurt nii-san! He's a child!" He cried out desperately.

"Children need to be punished or they never learn!" Mustang growled.

"He's two!"

"Two year olds qualify as children, now move." Just then, Riza pulled on his pant leg. He looked down at her, and she pointed to something in the corner of the room. In the corner of the room lay an automail arm and leg. Roy walked over and picked them up. "Come on, lets get out of here. " He grumbled. Punishing Ed could wait. "Here," He said, handing the limbs to Al. "You carry Ed's arms. I'll take Havoc or something." Ed looked at the arms. "Dose no mah."

"Of course they're yours." Roy snapped.

"Uh-uh. See? Uh, oo, fwee, fow." He said, lifting each limb in turn. "No mah." Roy rolled his eyes. "Al, come on. Help me get them into the car."

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Gracia opened the door to find Colonel Mustang and Alphonse Elric with several children on her doorstep. "Oh my," She said. "Are you babysitting, Taisa?" She asked. He shook his head. "There's been, um, and incident." He said. Al nodded. "Nii-san, and all of Mustang-taisa's subordinated regressed to two year olds, Gracia-san." Gracia's eyes widened as she recognized her husband as a two year old boy. "Oh my," She said again. "Well, let's get them inside and into some clothes that fit." She said noticing Ed in his boxers while everyone else except Riza had on uniforms that were barely clinging to them.

Roy and Al pushed all of them inside. Hughes ran after his wife, nearly tripping. He tugged on her dress. "Yes?" She asked sweetly, bending down to face him. "You pwetty." He said smiling. He handed her a picture that he had in his pocket that was doodled on the back of a survey of the condition of the nearby fire department. She smiled warmly and took it from him. "Well, Maes-kun, let's get you changed. Come on, everyone else. Taisa, could you help me get them changed please?"

Roy's eyes widened. "Um… I think Alphonse might be able to help you with that." Gracia nodded. "Yes, he might be better with his brother. Aru-kun, come with me."

"Hai." He nodded. Roy sunk into an armchair and waited for them to re-emerge. This day was taking its toll.

He must have drifted off to sleep because he was rudely awoken by someone jumping onto his chest and was hit over the head by something that felt oddly like a wooden spoon. "Monin! Up, mita ka kay na!" And he was hit over the head again. Roy winced and pushed the over-eager young alchemist off of him and on to the floor. Ed picked himself up and pointed the spoon at him threateningly. He growled. He had been put into clothing, it seemed. A red shirt and a pair of overalls. Roy couldn't help but suppress a laugh. He should take a picture. Wait a minute... this was Hughes' house.. there should be a camera around her somewhere. He looked over onto the lamp stand beside the chair and sure enough, there was a camera there. He picked it up and snapped a picture of Ed, who recoiled as if he had been hit by a train when the flash went off. He rubbed his eyes and attempted to blink away the purple dots that invaded his vision. Just as he finished taking the picture, Hughes walked into the room after seeing the flash from the other room. His eyes brightened. "Picta! Picta!" He shouted happily. "Cana taka picta? Peas? Peas?" He said holding out his hands. Roy grimaced. So the obsession started early. Then the rest of the central-gang wandered into the room, all wearing overalls like Ed and Hughes, except Armstrong who wore a large button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Riza walked in after them, wearing a sunflower yellow dress and a ribbon in her hair. Roy blinked. Riza, in a dress? With a bow? Gracia walked in. Roy turned to her. "What is Armstrong wearing?" He asked. "Well, none of Elycia's clothes fit him, so I hade to put him in one of Maes' nightshirt." She replied.

"Did I say Armstrong? I meant Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"Riza-chan? Well, she's wearing a dress, of course."

"You can't put Riza Hawkeye in a dress!"

"Well why not?" Gracia asked crossing her arms. "She's a little girl. Besides, she looks so cute in it. She likes it too. She picked herself, didn't you, Riza-chan?"

Riza looked up and nodded. Roy blinked. This day kept getting weirder and weirder. He picked up the camera and took a picture of Riza. Maybe he could use it as a weapon when she got back to normal to let him procrastinate on his paperwork. Maes grinned when he saw the flash go up and scrambled over to Roy and attempted to wrestle the camera from him. "Gimme!" He cried.

"Maes-kun, stop it! You have your own camera."

Maes turned and looked at her. "Huh?" He asked, cocking his head to one side. "The one you bought me for your birthday. Here, I'll go get it." She returned a second later and handed Maes a camera. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Roy asked skeptically. "Why not?" She asked. "He'll be fine."

Hughes turned the camera towards himself and pushed the button. The flash hit him in the face and he fell backwards, dazed. He shook his head, and pressed the button again. He was hit by the flash again, and blinked. "This could go on a while," Al said, having entered the room. Gracia nodded, smiling. "Alright. Now, who's hungry?"  
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**Well, that was fun. Please read and review! Next chapter will be up sometime next week!**


	2. Lunch and Naps

"Who's hungry?" Gracia asked entering the room wearing an apron.

"Mah! Mah!" Mini Ed cried running over to Gracia and jumping up and down.

"Mah is! Mah is!" He cried. Hughes was nearly blind from all the flashes and Armstrong was chasing his sparkles that always seemed to evade him. Fury was napping while Havoc was still sucking on his lollipop and Breda was poking the near blind Hughes. Elysia, who had just gotten up from a nap was showing Falaman how to play with blocks, and she was obviously enjoying being the oldest toddler there. As soon as they heard the word 'hungry', all of them sat up straight, dropped what they were doing and rtan past Gracia and Ed into the kitchen. Gracia smiled and looked down at the little Ed who had his arms up in the air extended towards her.

"Up!" He exclaimed nearly dropping the wooden spoon. She smiled wider and scooped the toddler up in her arms. Roy looked at the little boy curled up in her arms sucking on the wooden spoon and snapped another picture. Blackmail. Riza tugged on his pant leg pointed to the kitchen where Gracia had taken Ed. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he said, walking with her and prodding the blind Maes into the kitchen with his toes. As he entered he looked around the room at his subordinates who were seated on various piles of phonebooks and other such things to reach the table, jabbering excitedly. Ed was seated next to Al, to whom he was rambling on. "Ata mika potato!"

"That's right, nii-san, but we're not having potatoes."

"No tato"

"Umm… No, no tato, I mean, potato."

Ed hung his head. "Potato…" Just then, Gracia walked into the room with a large pot of macaroni and cheese. "Mac and cheese!" Elysia exclaimed. "Mommy, mommy, I want some, I want some!" Falman, who was sitting next to her nodded. "Me too!" Roy raised his eyebrows as all children began to beg for food. It looked just like the rest of the military in the cafeteria. He noticed that Riza was still struggling to get into a chair; she couldn't reach since the books piled on top of it for her to sit on were much taller than her. She must have felt his eyes because she stopped trying to hoist herself onto the chari because she turned around and looked at him. "Taisa," Gracia called over to him from the other side of the room, where she was serving an anxious Hughes who had regained his eyesight. "Could you help her please?"

"Huh?" he asked, snapping around to look at her. "Help her," Gracia repeated. "I've got my hands full."

"You…you mean, pick her up?"

"Yes, and set her on the chair."

"I can't do that!"

"Why not? You've held Elycia before…"

"B-but… it's Hawkeye!"

Gracia blinked. "I can't pick up Hawkeye! She'd kill me!"

"Um, taisa, she's two years old. She can't do anything."

Roy turned back to the two-year-old girl, grimacing uneasily. _Its ok, she doesn't have her gun, she won't kill you, she's two… oh god, don't let her remember any of this!_ Riza looked at him stoically as he approached her. "Um…" He began. "I'm going to… pick you up and set you down, ok?" She blinked at him and raised her arms in the air towards him expectantly. Roy sighed, bent down and picked her up from beneath her arms and set her on the pile of books, all the while holding her at arms length. He then moved off and leaned against the wall and observed the spectacle of lunch. Hughes, Breda, Falman and Fury were eating with two-year-old accuracy, meaning they were shoving food onto their spoons and dropping half of it into their laps before it reached their mouths. Elycia was trying in vain to teach Falman who was beside her how to correctly hold a spoon, while Havoc was trying to develop away to eat without removing the enormous lollipop from his mouth. Ed was shoving food into his mouth with his hands, wooden spoon abandoned.

"Edo-kun," Gracia scolded gently. "Use this." She said, handing him the spoon. He took it with his messy hands and looked from the spoon to Gracia before beginning to bang it on the table. He smiled and looked at her expectantly for praise. Gracia laughed. "Edo-kun, like this." She took the spoon and put a small amount of the pasta on he spoon and put it in his mouth. He chewed it with enthusiasm and took the spoon back from her. "Ma to bit wata!" He exclaimed happily, shoving the spoon vertically into the cheesy pasta goodness, and proceeded to yank it out with much vigor, causing macaroni to fly all over the room. Ed's eyes widened. The rest of the group of toddlers all focused their eyes on him, each covered in some strange place with the cheesy noodles.

Havoc growled from between his teeth and lollipop, stuck his hand in his own plate and flung it back at Ed, hitting him square in the face. "DIMISHIMA!" Ed hollered, jumping up onto the table and flinging a fair share of mac and cheese back at Havoc, who ducked, and the orange mass of goodness hit Breda in the face. Realizing this was full blown war, the rest of the toddlers all stuck their hands in their food and began flinging it at random opponents, all except Riza, who slid onto the floor under the table to avoid the flying cheesy projectiles. Roy, who had been standing in the doorway until Ed had bellowed his war cry, now jumped up and tried to help the distraught Gracia and Al try to calm down the group of toddlers. All would have gone well if he had not been hit in the face by an enormous wad of the lunch. Freezing in his tracks, he wiped the food from his face and looked in the direction it came. His eyes came to rest on Edward. Feeling his gaze, Ed looked up at the colonel, growled, then jumped onto the table, pointing his wooden spoon at him with raging defiance. Sensing the tension, the rest of the food stopped flying and all eyes came to rest on the two facing eachother off. Even Riza peeked her eyes up from under the table.

"Mita kobishi?" Ed demanded, eyes raging. "Yeah, I know you hit me." Roy responded. Ed grunted, and thrust the spoon further at Roy, who reached out and yanked it away and held it far out of the toddler's reach.

This was a mistake.

Ed's lower lip quivered, and two tears formed at the corner of his eyes. "Taisa…." Al began. "Give nii-san the spoon, please…" He said slowly and cautiously. Ed looked at his brother, and back to Roy, tears threatening to spill over. "What?" Roy said. "No. Do you have an idea how much hell this spoon has put me through?" Ed turned his full attention on the colonel. "No, you can not have this back until you are cleaned up." Roy said, dangling the spoon in front of his face. "Taisa, you shouldn't-" Gracia began, but it was too late.

The room burst into a chorus of sobs and wails as Ed screamed his lungs out, a waterfall pouring from each eye. Roy sweat dropped. "Aww… no. Please…" He groaned. Because when one starts…

The rest of the room exploded. Each toddler was bawling his eyes out, except Riza who had thrown her hands over her ears again. Realizing his mistake, Roy quickly tried to give the spoon back too Ed, but the young boy pushed him away. "Here, please move, Taisa." Gracia said pushing past him with a bottle in her hands. "No, Gracia-san!" Al called out, realizing the bottle's fateful contents. But it was to late. Gracia had handed the bottle to the sobbing two year old who stuck it into his mouth. As soon as the white liquid hit his tongue, however, Ed's two-year-old eyes widened, and he spit it out in disgust. "MILK!" He yelled, raising the bottle above his head in both hands, and running around in circles on the table top before coming to catch his breath in front of Roy who was still holding the spoon. Dropping the bottle and wrenching the spoon from Roy and beating the hell out of the bottle, causing milk to fly everywhere. All the others had stopped screaming and were now staring at the boy in their midst, milk dripping from their faces.

Gracia stood in stunned silence. "Well…I think we may need to be cleaned up, don't you?"

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"Shibita mi kaka!" Roy looked down at Ed who was pulling on his pantleg. They had managed to get the toddlers into the bathroom for a bath. Gracia and Al had washed them off while Roy sat in the living room, making sure the ones that were clean weren't getting into trouble. So far only Hughes was unwashed, and so the rest of the gang were being amused by Elycia's bountiful supply of toys.

"What?" Roy said, looking at the boy who was insistently tugging on the military fabric. "Shibita mi kaka." He repeated. Roy raised an eyebrow. Ed groaned. "Shi-bi-ta-mi-ka-ka," He related syllable for syllable. Seeing the older man was not comprehending, Ed crossed his legs and began to jump up and down. "Shibita mi kaka!" He exclaimed. Roy's eyes widened. "Oh!" He exclaimed, standing up from his seat. "Um, Al!" He called. "Your brother needs to go to the bathroom!"

Al stuck his head in from the other room. "I'm sorry, taisa, but I'm-"

"I'll take whatever you're doing!" He said quickly.

"-bathing Hughes." Al finished. Roy slapped his forehead. "Why me?"

"Well, taisa, if you ever want to have children-"

"God forbid!" Roy exclaimed, still vaguely aware of Ed prancing around, still doing his little pagan dance. Al was silent for a minute at what the colonel had said, and his eyes flickered momentarily at Riza who was sitting in the corner, drawing with the crayons Elycia had given her. Roy saw this and his eyes narrowed. "What are you implying?"

Al blushed. "Eh? Oh, um, nothing." And he went back to helping Gracia. Ed stopped doing his dance and turned to stare at Roy.

"Akimitu?" Roy rolled his eyes and groaned. He grabbed the young boy by the scruff of his collar and began to drag him upstairs to the other bathroom.

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"Umm… are you done yet?"

"NO!" The yell came from behind the closed door. Roy leaned against the door frame, impatiently waiting for the toddler to finish his business. "I don't know why you needed me…" He murmured. "All I'm doing is standing out here."

"Mita ki ban ah!"

"Whatever."

There was silence, and Roy rubbed his forehead. Then there was a flush. He turned and put a hand on the door. "Hey, are you done? I need to get back downstairs…" Then there was another flush. And another flush. And then a smash that sounded suspiciously like something expensive. Roy opened the door and gaped. The room was completely trashed, water on the floor, broken glass everywhere. There was a clang, and Roy looked up to see Ed removing the grate from the ventilation shaft above a cabinet that he had climbed up. Moving quickly, Roy tried to grab one of his ankles, but Ed was already deep into the duct.

"Aw shit." Roy muttered, exiting the bathroom. "Gracia-san!" He called out down the stairs. "You've got something in your ventilation duct."

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"Why did you put nii-san in a ventilation duct?" Al asked him as he sat and allowed multiple children to climb on him like a jungle gym. "He climbed in, I didn't put him there! Although, in hindsight, it might not have been a bad idea to…"

"Well, we can't have him in the ventilation now can we?" Gracia said smiling. She walked over to a vent and bent down by it. "Edo-kun?" She called into the vent. "I have cookies for you!"

There was the sound of mad scrambling from over head, and Ed suddenly exploded from an overhead vent and fell onto Roy's head, knocking him to the ground. "Tookie?" He asked excitedly, scrambling off the dazed colonel and over to Gracia. "Tookie! Tookie!"

Of course, when Gracia had made her proclamation, all of the other toddlers had warmed around her feet as well. Gracia nodded. "Yep. Come on, everyone, let's go sit down and I'll bring the cookies and milk out to you." Edward growled, and Gracia smiled. "You don't have to have milk with yours, Edo-kun, I can give you orange juice." Ed smiled and latched onto her with all the others and pulled her into the kitchen. As they made their way past Roy who was still on the ground, Riza broke off from the group and poked his face. "What?" He growled. She furrowed her brow at him, and then tried to push him off of the ground. Roy wearily complied. "My god… she's already keeping me from slacking…"

Cookies turned out to be a godsend. After eating them, most of the toddlers were drousy from full stomachs and were barely clining to conciousness. Gracia smiled as she watched them all, and then called to her two helpers. "Aru-kun, Taisa, please help me get them onto the couch or bed, ok?"

"Hai!" Al exclaimed, jumping up and taking a drowsier than normal Fury from Gracia's arms and carrying him into the living room. Roy hesitated. "Um… which one should I get?"

"It doesn't matter. I think the boys could all go onto the couch, and if you want, you could take Riza-chan or Elycia to Elycia's bed."

"I'll take Elycia," He said. Defiantly the least awkward since she was the age she was supposed to be. He bent down and offered his arms to the drowsy girl, but she didn't feel much like cooperating. She pulled her hands into her sides and stuck her tongue out at him. Sighing, Roy reached down and tried to pick her up, but she kicked him away. "I want Mommy." She said defiantly, kicking him away as he tried to pick her up from underneath her arms. "Mommy's doing other stuff, come on." Elycia pouted and shook her head. "No. I want mommy. I don't want you."

Roy smacked his forehead. "Listen, Elycia, Mommy is really busy, so I'm going to carry you into your room, ok?"

"No."

"Yes, now, come on."

"No. I want Mommy. I don't want you, you're scary."

This was news to him. "I'm scary?" He asked, blinking at the young girl who had just insulted him. She nodded. "You're really big. And you're voice sounds mean." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Roy slapped a hand over his forehead. "Is there anyway I can get you to come with me so Mommy can do her work?" He asked, refraining from sounding any scarier than he had the temptation to. "You have to take Riza-chan too."

He blinked. "Why?"

"Because you're scarred of Riza-chan."

Roy winced. "Ok, ok, I'll take you and Riza. Come on." He held out his arms to her, and she clambered on. Supporting her with one arm, he offered a hand to Riza. "Um… come on." He said to the nearly unconscious girl. She blinked drowsily before letting out a yawn. She tottered as she tried to slide off her chair, and stood up wobbly. Elycia poked Roy's cheeks. "You have to _carry _her."

"Why… can't I just like, hold her hand?"

"No, I want you to _carry_ her." The little dictator said crossing her arms. Roy sighed and with his other arm and much wincing he picked the small girl. It was difficult but he managed to carry the two girls over to the bed, all the while trying to hold them at arm's length.

Walking out of the room, he sighed and wiped his forehead. The boys were asleep wither on the couch, or in a bed of blankets on the floor, Gracia and Al had managed to get them down. For the first time that day, it was quiet.


End file.
